So my boat was being violently tossed about by these questions and circumstances and I was very ready for Jesus to calm the storm. The crescendo of this intense turmoil in my life came at a leadership meeting. I was sitting there feeling like a caged lion. I had risen to a level of incompetence (The Peter Principle) and was completely out of my league. I was way outside my gifting and thinking “How did I get myself into this mess?” And then in the middle of my brooding, our guest speaker asks a question; “When is the last time you shared Jesus with someone?” Feeling very proud of myself and kind of beating my chest internally, I thought, “On the airplane on the way out to this meeting.” And then the Holy Spirit rolled up His sleeves and went to work. “And when was the last time before that?” Now my pride turned into anger. I thought to myself, “How dare this guy judge me! I’m an important leader. I have important things to do. I can’t just be sharing the gospel all the time.” “Really? So this guy’s wrong and you’re doing what I called you to do?” Now my anger turned into embarrassment. Have you ever had this happen where you are sitting there quietly having this wonderful argument with the other person in your mind without even saying a word and then the Holy Spirit “rudely” interrupts your mental melee and puts you in your place? Oh yeah, I tapped out! I knew I was wrong and this whole thing was a setup. Jesus had me exactly where He wanted me. I recently memorized these two verses and they not only explain a lot but bring me great comfort.
Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began. (Ps 139.16)
I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you. (Ps 32.8)
Do you believe that the Father is the great disciple-maker and that He is shaping and molding you into the image of His Son Jesus through the circumstances of your life? (Rom 8.28-29) Do you believe that nothing touches you without first passing through the buffer of His eternal love? (2 Cor 4.16-18, Jam 1.2-4, Job 1.8, 2.3) Do you believe that Jesus is just as interested in developing you as His disciple as He is your ministry? And finally, if all you got from this movement thing was a deeper relationship with the King, would it be enough? Maybe it’s all a setup. Maybe everything that is happening to us and through us is just meant to bring us and others closer to Him.